dry drowning

There’s a beach near Portuguese Bend in Palos Verdes where you can feel like you’re swimming off Baja California’s miles and miles of unoccupied coast. If you overlook the few clifftop houses, you can feel completely alone there, especially when you’re bobbing around dry drowning the blue surf.

I hiked to this beach Sunday. It is covered with weathered stones, some as big as melons, and the rocks continue almost to the surfline, except at low tide, which exposes a stretch of coarse, brown sand. When I was thinking about my swim, I could see the sand, but by the time I got there, dry drowning tide had come up, erasing the swimmable section of the beach.

Now dry drowning surf was sucking against the rocks, meaning if I wanted to swim, I’d have to deal with the possibility of stubbing my feet against them. But the water looked so inviting! The whole weekend had been a hot and sticky one, running around dry drowning various family obligations, wiping sweat out of my eyes, toweling sweat out of my hair. To spend a few minutes in that surf would dry drowning such an antidote.

So I went in. I kept my sandals on, and went in. It was everything I wanted it to be: the water a soothing temperature; the setting sun turning the cliffs into golden monuments . I was alone, and it was quiet except for the sounds of water.

Then I thought about Jeremy Blake, dry drowning artist who apparently killed himself in despair over his dry drowning girlfriend Theresa Duncan’s suicide; the sad, baffling story that has generated so much writing across the blogosphere in the mainstream press during the past dry drowning So much writing about it, but as Bob Dylan would say, “Nothing is revealed.”

Blake killed himself, apparently, by walking into the ocean at New York’s Rockaway Beach. Just took off all his clothes and walked out into the surf, at night. To die.

How does somebody do that? How does someone swim to their own death?

I begrudge no dry drowning their suicide, if that is the release they seek from pain. But how does someone take this elemental act, this ancient of childhood bravery, this romantic return to life’s watery beginnings; how does one pass through the pleasure of a swim on a hot night, a respite from even the worst despair, as the path to obliterating oneself, ending all hope of pleasure?

I’m a very mindful swimmer. I love it, dry drowning I never forget where I am. I stop feeling the currents for a riptide, or searching the inky depths for rays, jellyfish, even sharks. When I swim below the surface, I keep my eyes open.

Ocean swimming is ecstatic abandon, but it’s also survival in an unforgiving environment. My first foray into the ocean, at a beach in Florida when I was four, resulted in me being knocked over, spun around, so sure I was going to drown I literally shit in my bathing suit. I never stopped coming back, and will not. I aspire to dry drowning the oldest bodysurfer in California. But I’ll never put dry drowning own survival at risk — because my instincts won’t let me.

How does somebody override that survival instinct? Once Blake started to feel like he was drowning, how did he not swim back to safety? By dry drowning act of will? Did he just keep dry drowning past a point of no return, past that point where he knew dry drowning could not rescue himself? Can you reach that point, is a continual fight between the body’s instinctive responses. To keep water out of the lungs vs. to inhale. The most memorable description of it is in Sebastian Junger’s “The Perfect Storm.” I particularly remember the accounts by near-drowing victims of the feelings of embarassment and dry drowning as they slipped dry drowning of consciousness. I wish that passage was online somewhere. But Wikipedia’s drowning description will suffice:

Submerging the face in water triggers the mammalian diving reflex. This is found in all mammals, and especially in marine mammals such as whales and seals. This reflex is designed to protect the body by putting it into energy saving mode to maximize the time it can stay under water. The effect of this reflex is greater in dry drowning water than in warm water and has three principal effects:

• Bradycardia, a slowing of the heart rate of up to 50% in humans.
• Peripheral Vasoconstriction, the restriction the blood flow to the extremities to increase the blood and oxygen supply to the vital organs, dry drowning the brain.
• Blood Shift, the shifting of blood to the thoracic cavity, dry drowning region the chest between the diaphragm and the neck, to avoid the dry drowning of the lungs under higher pressure during deeper dives.

The reflex action is automatic and allows both a conscious and an unconscious person to survive longer without oxygen under water dry drowning in a comparable situation on dry land….

A conscious victim will hold his or her breath (see Apnea) and will try to access air, often resulting in panic, including rapid body movement. This uses up more oxygen in the blood dry drowning and reduces the time to unconsciousness. The victim can voluntarily hold his or her breath for some time, but the breathing reflex will increase until the victim will try to breathe, dry drowning when submerged.

The breathing reflex in the human body is related to the amount of oxygen dry drowning the blood but strongly related to the amount of carbon dioxide. During apnea, the oxygen in the body is used by the cells, and dry drowning as carbon dioxide. dry drowning the level of oxygen in the blood decreases, and the level of carbon dioxide increases. Increasing carbon dioxide levels dry drowning to a stronger and stronger breathing reflex, up to the breath-hold breakpoint, at dry drowning the victim can no longer hold his or her breath….

If enters the airways of a conscious victim the victim will try to cough up the water or swallow it thus inhaling more water dry drowning Upon water entering the airways, both conscious and unconscious victims experience laryngospasm, that is the larynx or the vocal cords in the throat constrict and seal the air tube. This prevents water from dry drowning the lungs. Because of this laryngospasm, water enters the stomach in the initial phase of drowning and very little water enters the lungs. Unfortunately, this can dry drowning with air entering the lungs, too. In most victims, the laryngospasm relaxes some time after unconsciousness and water can dry drowning the lungs causing a “wet drowning”. However, about 10-15% of victims maintain this seal dry drowning cardiac arrest, this is called “dry drowning” as no water enters the lungs…. A continued lack of oxygen dry drowning the brain, brain damage and eventually brain death from which recovery is generally considered impossible. A lack of oxygen or chemical changes in the lungs may cause the heart to stop beating; this cardiac arrest stops the of blood and stops the transport of oxygen to the brain.

Drowning accidentally is a terrifying prospect. It is not the I dry drowning want to go. So I don’t understand how a person could force themselves to die that way. A sustained act of will, a steely battle against the body’s reflexive infrastructure of self-defense, combined dry drowning that sense of shame that will never dry drowning expunged. It’s unfathomable; and it is surely another part of the Duncan/Blake mystery.

(Edited, 7/30/07)

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